You’re human. It’s okay.
Where are my perfectionists in recovery? Raise your hand!
Can you see how high I’m raising my left arm right now? You aren’t alone!
I think my need for perfection is driven part by personality characteristics and part by environmental circumstances. In the psyc world, we might reference the Diathesis Stress Model. In short, Genetic Predisposition + Environment Factors = The Expression of the Disorder.
For the majority of my life, I despised my humanness. I only saw it as a weakness. Something for this perfectionist in recovery to overcome. Yes, I was fully aware that we are all human. I was not God. Therefore, I would not be perfect. It was okay for others to make mistakes, but not for me. I was still striving for that perfection, in all areas, which created the illusion of a safety zone.
High achievement was my comfort zone. It gave me value. It gave me worth. It gave me purpose. Degrees were my comfort zone. Compared to the rest of life, degrees are easy. Even with endless amounts of reading, obstinate professors, and ridiculous hoops to jump through, degrees provided some relative degree of structure. Meet these expectations of x, y, and z, and you’ll earn a degree. They are much more predictable than the rest of the world.
On countless occasions, I’ve also seen the other side of this spectrum sitting across from me in my therapy office. These are the individuals who have embraced their humanness as an excuse for every slight, mistake, failing, or sin. They are human; therefore, their failings are to be expected. (That sounds like some sort of geometry theorem—ha!) It’s a reason not to try, not to change. Just apologize, seek forgiveness, and move on.
So, where’s the middle ground? How do we embrace our humanness for what is, living in a fallen world, while also not using it as an excuse? This living in the “already but not yet” isn’t for the faint of heart!
In the words of Paul in Romans 6:1-2, “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace my increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?”
God doesn’t despise my humanness. Nor does He despise yours. Our Creator didn’t make any mistakes. He chose humans, as an expression of his love, and he created us in his image.
Beloved daughter, regardless of what side of the spectrum you find yourself on, may you abound in His grace while you grow deeper in his love, spurring you on towards obedience.
Be free,
Lani
