Confidence: Where is it?
Self-confidence. Self-esteem. Self-worth. We hear all of these “self” words thrown around in our everyday language. We’re told they’re important to have at appropriate levels; they’re healthy.
But, what actually is self-confidence? Oxford Languages defines self-confidence as, “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.”
Sounds good, right? But, we often don’t talk about how we get them. Where does self-confidence come from? How do we build it?
This is a recurring theme for those sitting across from me on the couch in my therapy office. Be it anxiety, depression, or even ADHD, oftentimes individuals doubt their ability to even take the first step forward in making significant changes outside of the therapy room. They don’t trust themselves to follow through. Their history might say they have good reason to not trust themselves, yet!
But, the good news? No one is stuck in this place! There’s a way out.
The answer is actually kind of simple. To start, do what you say you’re going to do. That’s it. Start there. Now, before you dismiss the simplicity of this action, hear me out.
If you’ve read any sort of business or self-help books, you’ve probably picked up on one of the recurring themes: the daily details matter. In fact, they’re often what make all of the difference. It’s the little things that add up to the big things.
We accomplish what’s firmly labeled on our calendar: the meetings, soccer practices, school recitals, doctor’s appointments, and so forth. But, what about that coffee date with a friend? Or the spin class? Or working on your side hustle? Or having some Jesus time? Or maybe you’ve been on a mission to simplify your home, and your efforts keep getting thwarted. All of these things so easily get pushed off our schedules when life happens, which it faithfully does.
However, when we do what we say we’re going to do, our confidence grows just a little. And then we do a second thing that we say we’re going to do, and our confidence grows a little more. You’re learning to trust yourself to follow through. It’s the snowball effect. And, whatever skills or healthy life choices you’re making for yourself along the process are going to garner you benefits as well.
It’s time to take stock: How would you rate your level of self-confidence? Typically, we wouldn’t rate every area the same. Maybe, as a mom, you know that you’re totally killing it. But, at work, you’re doubting your skill set.
What’s the first step you need to take to start building your confidence? What needs to become etched in stone on your calendar?
Take that first baby step, and start building your confidence.
Be free,
Lani
