No Red Dots

There are two types of people in this world: Those who have a phone filled with little red dots at any given time and those who have exactly zero little red dots.

You know those round little red bubbles that alert you on any given app that you have a message or an email or a form of new information? I can’t tolerate any little red dots. Other than text messages and GroupMe, I have every notification turned off that I can. Because, if I see a little red dot, I must act on it immediately. I can’t tolerate the dissonance of knowing there’s something lingering out there in cyberspace that needs to be addressed.

Our entire society is filled with FOMO. We don’t want to miss anything. We fear that what we miss might be better than what we have. We’re constantly searching for the next pleasurable thing, looking for that dopamine hit. It’s fundamentally changed how we interact with each other and how we do relationships.

I’m part of the last generation that actually remembers life before the internet. In sixth grade, there was exactly one computer in the school library that was connected to this thing called the internet. There was a “TEACHERS ONLY” sign taped to the top of the monitor. At home, just like all of the other 90s kids out there, I have that familiar buzz and dinging sequence of dial-up internet forever ingrained in my head.

While I don’t dismiss the helpful, positive aspects of tech, I also see the negative impact in my therapy office day after day. Social emotional difficulties in kiddos, terrible sleep habits, adults who don’t know how to make or keep friends, ADHD-like symptoms not actually caused by ADHD, challenging behaviors when screens are turned off, and this list could go on and on and on and on.

Here’s your reminder to pause. To check in with yourself and assess your own habits. Wait. Stop. Yes, I’m talking to you. Don’t be so quick to dismiss this and just say your cyber habits are all fine and dandy.

Sometimes the problem is that we’ve become so accustomed to what mainstream culture tells us is normal that we don’t even realize how far we’ve strayed from healthy habits and relationships.

So, maybe that’s where you need to take stock, to do some inventory. Sister, here’s some questions to consider in order to help ensure you’re living in optimal freedom:

How are your friend relationships doing—truly sit with this question for a moment…how are they really doing? Do you have an inner circle that would be there for you in the midst of a crisis? Have your children or a friend ever commented that you’re always on your phone? When you go out to dinner, how many people in your party are on their phones? Where do you find the most fulfillment?

Be free,

Lani