Don’t be an Enabler.
I was an enabler. For years. For a plethora of reasons. In some, I was truly powerless as a minor with few options. In others, I was kept quiet by a blanket of shame. And still, in others, I did it for my own safety.
Being an enabler isn’t a clear cut, black and white sorta thing. It’s messy. However, when we are in situations in which we do have the capacity or freedom to choose our actions, we must choose to act from a place of love. Oftentimes, this feels like an impossible task in the face of poor choices on the part of others.
To be clear, love doesn’t enable bad behavior. It really doesn’t. However, we often inadvertently operate in this manner. If I set boundaries with my mother-in-law, then I’m not loving. If I expose my spouse, then I’m not loving. If I put myself before a friend, I’m not loving. If I’m not there for my adult child in anyway shape or form, then I’m not loving. [Insert whatever your current circumstances are.]
When we enable someone, we inadvertently hinder their growth, perpetuate their dependencies, and undermine their potential.
Yet, it is not uncommon to witness individuals who, out of love, shield their loved ones from consequences or rescue them from their mistakes. This enabling behavior prevents personal growth and development, ultimately stunting the person's ability to face challenges and take responsibility for their actions.
Love should not be a crutch that enables individuals to avoid facing their own shortcomings or navigating the consequences of their choices. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is to let them experience the consequences of their actions.
Love, in its truest form, doesn’t enable bad behavior. Love sets boundaries. Love speaks truth. Love guards our own hearts.
Typically, if we’re enabling bad behavior, then we’re also reaping the negative consequences of those actions upon ourself. Extending love doesn’t just mean to others. You also need to extend some love to yourself as well.
Jesus didn’t die on the cross just to enable us to keep on sinning. Or, as Paul stated, so that grace may abound all the more. Jesus’ love isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. It’s not loving to continue propping others up and protecting them from natural consequences.
Sister, in what area of your life may you be inadvertently enabling poor behavior under the guise of love? What steps do you need to take today to course correct?
Be free,
Lani
